Unlock Tula's Hidden Gem: Profit Hotel's Unbeatable Luxury!
Unlock Tula's Hidden Gem: Profit Hotel's Unbeatable Luxury!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into a review of like I actually experienced it. Forget those polished, predictable reviews – this is the real deal, warts and all. And believe me, after spending a week there, I've got plenty to share.
First Impressions: The Glamorous Gatekeeper (and the Slightly Clunky Entrance)
Let's be honest, the first thing your brain does when you pull up to a place like this is: "Is this going to be that kind of experience?" The kind where they valet your car and you suddenly feel like you’re in a movie. And, well… they did valet. Score one for the glitz.
Now, about the entrance. The facade? Gorgeous. The lobby? Dripping with chandeliers and enough marble to make Michelangelo jealous (or at least, mildly envious). But here's a confession: I’m clumsy. And the revolving doors were, let’s just say, a challenge. Almost took out a small child. Almost. (But hey, nobody got hurt, right?) Thankfully, the doorman, a charming fellow named Raj, swooped in like a superhero and saved the day. First impression: A for Effort, B+ for Execution.
Accessibility: A Mixed Bag (But Overall, Pretty Good)
Alright, let’s get down to brass tacks: accessibility. This is important. I have a good friend who's wheelchair-bound, and I was assessing the hotel with them in mind.
- Wheelchair Accessible: Generally, pretty good. The main areas, restaurants, and several room types are accessible. The elevators were spacious. The hallways were wide enough. Bonus points for the ramp leading to the outdoor pool (more on that later).
- Facilities for disabled guests: They've got ramps, and rooms equipped. Still, I didn’t see braille on the elevator buttons, which would have been a REALLY nice touch.
- Elevator: Working.
Internet: The Lifeline (Mostly… but there were some glitches)
In this day and age, reliable internet is as essential as breathing. Thank God for the Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! (I have to shout that, because it’s a deal-breaker for me). And, yes, Internet, Internet [LAN], Internet services are all available.
- Wi-Fi in public areas: Excellent. Even at the pool, signal was strong.
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!: Okay, here’s the truth: sometimes, it would go a little… wonky. Like, my video games would freeze at the most crucial moment. And on one occasion, it cut out mid-Zoom call (mortifying!). It was not a deal-breaker, but it was still annoying.
Cleanliness & Safety: Feeling Secure (and a bit Obsessive)
This is where this hotel shined. Post-pandemic, I am obsessed with cleanliness. And I'm happy to report:
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Clearly, used everywhere. You could smell the sanitization. (Okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic. But it felt clean, which is half the battle.)
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Absolutely. The staff were constantly cleaning. I saw them wiping down the elevator buttons more times than I cared to count.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: I appreciated the option. I chose to opt out of the room sanitization, but had sanitization wipes in the inroom and the hotel provided great products.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Of course.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Yes. Friendly, but efficient. Always with a smile.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere. Like, everywhere.
- First aid kit: Present.
- Doctor/nurse on call: Good to know.
I have to add, I felt safe. There was CCTV in common areas and CCTV outside property, and Security [24-hour]. Plus, the 24-hour front desk instilled a sense of security
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: A Culinary Adventure (with Occasional Stumbles)
Okay, let’s talk food. Because, let's face it, I'm an expert. My expertise spans the entire foodscape, from the humble hotdog to the fanciest of haute cuisine.
- Restaurants: They've got several. From the casual Coffee shop for a quick caffeine fix to Restaurants with A la carte in restaurant, and Buffet in restaurant:
- Breakfast [buffet]: Let the food coma commence! They had everything, from Asian breakfast to Western breakfast. Omelet station? Check. Fresh fruit? Check. Pastries so tempting, I nearly ate my weight in them. (No regrets).
- Room service [24-hour]: A godsend! Perfect for those late-night cravings.
- Poolside bar: A lovely spot for a Happy hour.
- Desserts in restaurant: If you are fan of it.
- Snack bar. Great for a quick bite.
The Big Let-Down: The Vegetarian Restaurant. I'm not fully vegetarian, but I like to eat that way sometimes. And the menu? Limited. The flavors? Meh. It was a genuine disappointment.
Things to Do, Ways to Relax: Spa Days and Poolside Bliss
This is where the hotel really excels.
- Swimming pool & Pool with view: Oh. Em. Gee. The Swimming pool [outdoor] is gorgeous. Infinity edge. Stunning views. Days spent lounging by the pool reading, sipping iced tea, and pretending I was a celebrity was my absolute favorite experience.
- Spa, Spa/sauna, Sauna, Steamroom: I indulged in a massage. Seriously. The therapist was amazing. I drifted off into a blissful state of relaxation. Worth every penny.
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: I attempted to go to the gym once. It was well-equipped.
- Body scrub, Body wrap: Didn't try, but certainly tempts.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things that Make a Difference
These are the details that elevate a stay from "good" to "great."
- Concierge: Helpful and knowledgeable.
- Daily housekeeping: My room was spotless every single day.
- Doorman: Always there with a smile.
- Laundry service & Dry cleaning & Ironing service: Convenient.
- Cash withdrawal & Currency exchange: Helpful.
- Convenience store, Gift/souvenir shop: Useful for impulse buys.
For the kids: Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: I'd give this a thumbs up.
The Rooms: Cozy Comfort (and a Very Comfortable Bed)
The rooms are well-appointed.
- Available in all rooms:
- Air conditioning
- Alarm clock
- Bathrobes, Slippers
- Bathtub or separate shower/bathtub
- Blackout curtains
- Coffee/tea maker & complimentary tea
- Free bottled water
- Hairdryer
- In-room safe box
- Laptop workspace
- Mini bar
- Non-smoking
- Private bathroom
- Refrigerator
- Satellite/cable channels
- Seating area, Sofa
- Shower
- Smoke detector
- Telephone
- Toiletries
- Wake-up service
- Wi-Fi [free]
- Window that opens.
The Weird Little Quirks (Because Every Place Has Them)
- The elevator music. It was… elevator music. You know, that generic, bland stuff.
- The (lack of) power outlets near the bed. I had to crawl under the bed to charge my phone. Annoying.
- The in-room scale. Do I really need to know how much I’ve indulged?
The Verdict: Worth It (with a Few Caveats)
Would I stay here again? Absolutely. The pros far outweigh the cons. The pool, the spa, the cleanliness, the staff – all top-notch. The minor glitches (internet, vegetarian restaurant) are easily overlooked.
Final Score: A Solid 4.5 Stars. (Could be 5 with a few tweaks)
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Profit Hotel Tula: A Whirlwind, A Mishap, and a Whole Lotta Vodka (Probably)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, 'cause this ain't your grandma's perfectly-coordinated travel brochure. This is my Tula trip, warts and all. Prepare for some questionable decisions, questionable food choices, and a whole lot of “Oh, that was a mistake,” because, honestly? That's life, isn't it?
Day 1: Arrival, Awkward Gestures, and the Quest for a Decent Pillow
- 6:00 AM (Moscow Domodedovo Airport): Ugh. The flight. Don’t even get me started. Red-eye. Cramped. I swear the guy in front of me reeked of something that could only be described as "Soviet-era sock." Landed in Moscow feeling like a damp dishcloth.
- 7:30 AM: Train to Tula. Finding the right platform felt like trying to solve the Rubik's Cube of Russian train stations. Signs in Cyrillic? My brain is basically a goldfish at this point. Thankfully, a surprisingly friendly babushka with a bag overflowing with questionable-looking plums pointed me in the right direction. Bless her heart.
- 10:00 AM (Profit Hotel, Tula): Arrived, finally. Hotel seemed decent enough online, but in person…let's just say the lighting felt like it was designed to conceal the questionable state of the furniture. The receptionists? Beautiful, but not a word of English between them. The charade of pointing, grunting, and frantically using Google Translate began. Successfully check-in, or so I thought.
- 10:30 AM: (Room #407): The pillow situation. Oh, the pillow situation. I swear, it felt like trying to sleep on a bag of rocks. The mattress was…well, let's just say it had clearly seen better days (and probably, a lot of them). I spent a solid hour trying to fluff it, fold it, and basically make it not resemble a medieval torture device. Failure.
- 11:30 AM - 1:00 PM: (Tula Kremlin): Okay, history time! The Kremlin was actually pretty impressive. The walls! The churches! All incredibly…old. And beautiful. I wandered around for ages, trying to fathom the lives lived within those walls. Seriously, the architecture is something else. Stood in awe, but also mildly terrified of accidentally stumbling into a secret, centuries-old meeting of… something.
- 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM: (Lunch - Some Random Cafe Near the Kremlin): Saw a place with menus in English!!! Score! Ordered what I thought was chicken Kiev, It…wasn’t. It arrived looking like a deep-fried weapon of some sort. The taste? Questionable. The texture? Soggy. The only thing saving it was the mountains of mashed potatoes, which, blessedly, were delicious. Learned my first Russian phrase: "Я хочу другой!" (I want something else!) Didn't say it. Ate most of it anyway.
- 2:00 PM - 4:00 PM (Samovar Museum): The Samovar Museum. Who knew water boiling could be so… fascinating? Kettles of all sizes, shapes, and ages. Learned about the history of tea drinking in Russia. The guide spoke…well, she spoke Russian, mostly. I caught a few words, and the sheer enthusiasm was infectious. It was actually really interesting, even though I understood, maybe, 20% of what was being said.
- 4:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Attempted Nap/Pillow Assault: Back at the hotel, still wrestling with the pillow of doom. No luck. Resorted to using my sweatshirt rolled up. Felt marginally better. The room was getting hot and stuffy. Opened the window. Mosquitoes. My tiny, vulnerable body was a buffet.
- 6:00 PM - 8:00 PM: Strolling and exploring the city: Wandered the streets, taking in the local scene. The beautiful old buildings, the busy shops, the people bustling about. My mood lifted, despite the awful pillow. Some of the architecture is just breathtaking, truly stunning, and it started to make up for the flight, the food, and the pillows.
- 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Dinner: Found a restaurant with some live music (acoustic guitar, surprisingly good). Ordered borscht (delicious, finally!). Overheard an older couple speaking what I assumed was Russian. The man kept staring at me, smiling. Maybe he was being friendly. Maybe he thought I looked like a particularly confused foreigner. Decided not to find out. Enjoyed borscht.
- 9:00 PM - Bedtime (Room 407): The pillow. Still a problem. Vodka. Now that is a solution. (Just a little bit, to help me sleep.)
Day 2: Guns, Gingerbread, and a Growing Appreciation for the Russian Spirit
- 8:00 AM (Breakfast at the Hotel): Breakfast was a mystery buffet of… things. Cold cuts that were… well, let's just say they were inspired by meat. A bread basket overflowing with rolls that may or may not have been a week old. Cereal I didn't identify. Coffee that tasted like burnt water. The only saving grace? The honey. Divine.
- 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM: (Tula State Arms Museum): The museum. The guns! The swords! The artillery! My inner history nerd was geeking out. The sheer craftsmanship was astounding. The scale of some of those weapons was mind-boggling. The history teacher in me was in heaven.
- 11:00 AM - 12:30 PM: (Tula Gingerbread Museum): Gingerbread! The most famous thing from Tula. It was so well displayed. My inner child's joy was infectious! The variety was immense. I bought one shaped like a rooster for my wife, who would think is hilarious.
- 12:30 PM - 1:30 PM: Lunch: Ate at the same place as yesterday. The food again was…a gamble. But the atmosphere was good.
- 2:00 PM - 4:00 PM: (Yasnaya Polyana - Tolstoy's Estate): Okay, this. This was something else. Tolstoy's estate. Truly stunning. The house was beautiful and full of history. The grounds were sprawling and peaceful. Walked the same paths Tolstoy walked, thought about his life, his work, his struggles. A really powerful experience, and a welcome break from the slightly chaotic city!
- 4:00 PM: Return to the hotel and the pillow: Still horrible.
- 6:00 PM: Found A Karaoke bar, and went there. It was a blast, even with no Russian knowledge and a terrible voice
Day 3: Goodbyes that are good, really good.
- 8:00 AM: Breakfast: The same… thing.
- 10:00 AM: Departure: Goodbye, Tula. I'm going to miss the city, even though my bones hurt from the pillow in the hotel.
- 12:00 PM: Train to Moscow: I took the train to Moscow, this time with a lot of anticipation and a lot of joy!
- 2:00 PM: Airport Heading back home.
Reflections:
This trip wasn't perfect. There were bad pillows, questionable food, and moments when I felt completely lost in translation. But… it was real. It was messy, it was challenging, and it was unexpectedly wonderful. I felt a bit more in love with the world.
So, would I go back to Tula? Absolutely! Armed with a better pillow, a much better handle on the language (hopefully), and a healthy dose of adventurous spirit. Now if you'll excuse me, I need a proper nap. And maybe another shot of vodka. Just, you know, for medicinal purposes.
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