Novosibirsk's Royal Treatment: Unbeatable Hostel Luxury!
Novosibirsk's Royal Treatment: Unbeatable Hostel Luxury!
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into the review of this hotel! Listen, I've stayed in my share of dumps and diamonds, and sometimes, the lines blur. So, let's get into it, warts and all, and figure out if this place is worth your hard-earned cash.
First Impressions (and a Slight Fumble Out of the Gate):
Okay, first things first: Accessibility. They say it's wheelchair accessible. I didn't personally test this out fully, but from what I saw, it looked promising. Elevators? Check. Ramps? Seemed to be there. I'll let you know if I get more confirmation on this.
Getting Connected (Because, Let's Be Real, We Need Our Fix):
Internet? YES! And thank the Wi-Fi gods, because free Wi-Fi in EVERY ROOM! Praise be. Also, Internet [LAN] options too, for the old-schoolers. Plus, Wi-Fi in the public areas. Honestly, in 2024, that's a MUST. Anything less and you're toast.
But, here's a confession: I spent, like, the first hour fighting with the Wi-Fi. Kept dropping. Was it just me? Maybe. Did it finally work? Eventually. So, let's call it an 8/10 for internet reliability.
Things to Do, or, How to Actually Relax:
Alright, this is where things get interesting. They've got options, people. Lots of options.
Spa Time! We're talking Body scrubs, Body wraps, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Massage, the whole shebang! This is where my inner sloth comes alive. I had to try the massage.
- Anecdote Alert: Let me tell you, after a long day of…well, let's just say "adventures," that massage was LIFE-CHANGING. I almost fell asleep. Almost. It was that good. Deep tissue? Yes, please. So, if you need it, you do, because it's worth it.
Fitness Fanatics Welcome: Fitness center, Gym/fitness. Okay, I peeked in the fitness center. It looked…clean. And had machines. I'm a couch potato by nature, but it’s there for those who aren't.
Pool with view, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: The pool! Big and blue and… well, it had a view. Very Instagrammable. But, honestly, after the massage, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed, so I didn't spend too much time by it.
The Nitty Gritty: Food, Glorious Food!
Dining, drinking, and snacking… This is where they really shine.
- Restaurants: Plural! Restaurants!
- Breakfast: Asian breakfast, Buffet in restaurant, Breakfast service, Breakfast [buffet], Coffee/tea in restaurant, Western breakfast. I might need to be rolled out of here..
- Anecdote about Breakfast Okay, the buffet was EPIC. Like, seriously. So much food. So many choices. I tried a little of everything. A little. Let's just say I needed a nap after…and I hate naps. They were offering both asian and western breakfast. A bit of heaven with some local food - A must!
More Dining Options: A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, Bottle of water, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant. See? Plenty, but with a few caveats. The poolside bar was great for a quick drink, Happy hour? always a plus, of course! The a la carte? Pricey, but expected.
Cleanliness, Safety (Because, Covid…):
They took this stuff seriously. Anti-viral cleaning products, Cashless payment service, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment. I felt like they were OVER-prepared. Which, honestly, I appreciated.
The Room: My Sanctuary (or, Maybe Not):
- Available in all rooms: Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens. Wow. That’s a lot.
- The Good: The bed was comfy. Blackout curtains? Essential. Free Wi-Fi? Glorious. Coffee maker? Caffeine is life.
- The Not-So-Good: My view? Meh. The soundproofing could be better, I heard a little bit of a dog barking at night. But hey, it's part of the charm, right?
Services and Conveniences: The Extras That Matter:
Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center.
- Anecdote Alert The concierge was super helpful in pointing me towards some local restaurants. And the elevator? A godsend. The convenience store? Always a bonus for those late-night snack cravings.
For the Kids (If You're Traveling with the Littles):
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal. If you’re bringing the fam, they seem set. I didn't have any kids with me (thank the heavens!), but they have things set up for them.
Safety and Security: A Sense of Calm (Mostly):
- Access, CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Couple's room, Exterior corridor, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Hotel chain, Non-smoking rooms, Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms, Security [24-hour], Safety/security feature, Room decorations, Proposal spot. Seemed secure. 24-hour front desk is always a plus, and the fire extinguishers are a good sign. I give them points.
Getting Around: Mobility Matters
- Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking.
- Anecdote about getting around I didn't rent a car but airport transfer was offered as it was a big relief. The free car park is a plus, even if I didn't have one.
So, is it Worth it?
Alright, here's the messy, honest truth: This hotel isn't perfect. But the food is amazing and the spa is heavenly. The rooms are comfortable, and the staff are generally helpful. The accessibility looks good, though I didn't fully test it. It's a solid choice.
Here's My Persuasive Offer (Because You Deserve This!):
Tired of the Daily Grind? Yearning for a Getaway? Then you NEED to book this hotel. I mean, treat yourself. Seriously, this place offers the perfect blend of relaxation, indulgence, and convenience.
Here's why you should book RIGHT NOW:
- Unwind & Revitalize: The spa is calling your name. Need a massage? You're in the right place.
- Feast Like Royalty: The breakfast buffet is a food coma waiting to happen, and the dining options are endless.
- Stay Connected and Comfortable: Free Wi-Fi, comfy beds, and all the amenities you could dream of.
- **
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into a potential train wreck. I'm planning a whirlwind trip to Novosibirsk, Russia… and by "planning," I mean I'm attempting to plan. Specifically, the Royal Hostel. Pray for me.
Day 1: Arrival & The Great Vodka Uncertainty
- Morning (or, you know, whatever time I actually manage to roll out of bed): Fly into Tolmachevo Airport (OVB). Pray my luggage actually arrives with me. I've heard horror stories. Seriously, I'm picturing myself wandering the Siberian plains in my pyjamas.
- Transport: Airport express train to Novosibirsk city centre. Supposedly easy. Let's see. My Russian is…well, it involves a lot of pointing and smiling (and hoping they have English signs). Maybe I should try out some of my pre-recorded Russian phrases. I'll probably butcher them.
- Afternoon: Check into Royal Hostel. The pictures online look… clean. Hope the reality matches the glossy filter. Immediately hunt for coffee. Like, life-or-death situation.
- Early Evening: Attempt to find a real Russian restaurant. Not the tourist traps. I want authentic. I'm thinking dumplings (pelmeni), and possibly… bravely… some borscht. Emotional Moment: Fear. Pure, unadulterated fear of ordering something I can't pronounce.
- Late Evening: The vodka question! Okay, I know I should pace myself. But… it IS Russia. I'm thinking one shot as a "cultural experience" and another to loosen up. I can do that, right? RIGHT? Hopefully, stumble back to the hostel, completely unharmed, and avoid any impromptu karaoke sessions. Maybe I'll just stick to tea. Definitely tea.
Day 2: The Opera, The Market, and the Questionable Blini
- Morning (after hopefully surviving the night): Explore the city centre. Lenin Square? Sounds… imposing. Find the Opera and Ballet Theatre. I'm not even an opera person, but it’s a landmark. I should have booked tickets beforehand, but i'm a disaster. Hoping for a quick glance, at least, and some good exterior photos.
- Mid-Morning: The Central Market. This is where things get interesting (and potentially overwhelming). The smells, the sights, the… hopefully edible… food. I’m determined to try blini. I love blini. Last time, i got the worst food posioning of my life, and it took me a week to recover. I'll go for the safe option this time.
- Lunch: Blini, or some other less risky street food. I need to find a decent pierogies.
- Afternoon: The State Art Museum. Gotta get cultured, right? I'll try to enjoy it, but if it turns out to be a bunch of sombre portraits of stern-looking men? I'm bouncing. I'm going to be a cultured world traveler.
- Late Afternoon: Back to the hostel for a nap. Seriously. Jet lag is a monster. And then, another hunt for food.
- Evening: Considering a walking tour of the city. Or I might just collapse into a noodle shop and eat until I can't feel my face. The amount of noodles consumed will depend on my energy levels.
Day 3: The Akademgorodok (Science City) & The Long Train Ride Home
- Morning: Take a bus (oh joy, public transport!) to Akademgorodok. It's the scientific hub, supposedly a bit of a "brainy" location. I am expecting lots of intelligent people, and I'm not sure what to expect. I'll try to have a casual conversation with the people. Try to look smart.
- Lunch: Enjoy the food. Try something new, hopefully something that does not result in dire consequences.
- Afternoon: Explore the museums and science institutions. Try not to look completely bewildered. If I'm honest, a museum with lots of brainy stuff is not going to be my thing.
- Late Afternoon: Back to the hostel. Pack. Have one last glance at the Royal Hostel.
- Evening: The airport. Wish me luck. I booked a really early flight, so I'll be exhausted.
Important Imperfections & Ramblings:
- Language Barrier: The biggest challenge, I suspect. My Russian is basically non-existent. Google Translate and hand gestures will be my best friends (or enemies, depending on how things go).
- Food Poisoning Fear: I have a sensitive stomach. I will likely be paranoid about everything I eat. Avoid anything that looks suspicious.
- Pacing: I'm a terrible planner. This itinerary is a suggestion more than a rigid schedule. I'll probably get distracted by a cute cat or a particularly interesting shop and throw the whole thing out the window.
- Emotional Rollercoaster: Expect moments of pure elation (finally finding decent coffee!), moments of abject panic (getting lost), and moments of existential dread (the vodka). It's all part of the… adventure?
- The Hostel: This is THE big question mark. Will it be a haven of cleanliness and camaraderie? Or a dingy, noisy nightmare? Only time will tell.
- Overall: This is going to be a messy, imperfect trip. It will probably involve me making a fool of myself on multiple occasions. I'm cool with it. Really, I am. Just hope I get back in one piece, with some good stories (and maybe a new love for opera, but I doubt it).
Alright, wish me luck, world. I'm off to Novosibirsk! Wish me luck. I'll report back, if I survive.
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Okay, so...what *is* this whole "FAQ" thing about, anyway? And why am I even reading it?
Look, I'm basically winging this. Seriously, it's a collection of questions *people* might have (and some I just made up because, well, I'm talking to myself, right?). It’s a grab-bag of thoughts, rants, and hopefully, a few nuggets of actual useful-ish information about… well… life. (Or maybe just *my* life, through the lens of the internets. Who knows?) You're reading it because… maybe you're bored? Procrastinating? Trying to figure out if I'm completely bonkers? Honestly, same. Let's all be friends.
Do you know EVERYTHING? Because, wow, you *sound* like you do.
HAHAHAHA! Oh sweet summer child. No. Absolutely not. I am a walking, talking, caffeine-fueled contradiction. I *think* I know stuff, and then I immediately realize I'm wrong. Like, yesterday I was *convinced* I knew how to change a tire (thanks, YouTube!). Turns out, I got the lug nuts mixed up and nearly launched one into a passing minivan. Oops. So, the answer is a resounding NO. I'm learning, just like everyone else, and mostly making it up as I go along.
What's your favorite color? (Important life question, obviously.)
Ugh, okay, fine. Pressure's on, huh? It changes! Seriously, it's like asking me to pick a favorite child... if I had any. Today it's something between a dusty rose and the color of slightly over-roasted coffee beans. It's moody. It's complex. It's probably just a phase. Ask me again tomorrow and I’ll probably throw out something completely different. Don’t hold me to this.
Okay, so you're, like, *into* stuff? Like, hobbies and things. Spill the tea.
Oh, the chaos of hobbies! Let's see...I *try* to knit. Results vary wildly. Mostly, I end up with lumpy, asymmetrical scarves that look like they survived a nuclear winter. I *love* reading, but I forget half of what I read the second I put the book down. Baking? Don't even get me started. I once set a batch of cookies on fire. (Thankfully, I have a working smoke detector. Yay!) Then there's staring at the ceiling for hours. I find it incredibly relaxing. Probably because I should actually go to bed earlier. I'm trying to learn to play the ukulele. My cat hates it. My neighbors probably hate it. I *might* hate it. But dammit, I'm going to become a ukulele virtuoso… or at least learn to play "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" without butchering it too badly. Wish me luck, I desperately need it.
What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you? (Come on, spill!)
Oh boy. Where do I even START? There was that time I tripped over a perfectly flat sidewalk and face-planted in front of, like, a hundred people. The memory still haunts me. The *actual* worst though? Okay, brace yourself. I was at a work thing. A *very* important work thing. There was a fancy dinner. I was wearing a new dress. (It felt great!) And, I was attempting to impress the boss. You know, the usual. And then... BAM! I somehow managed to launch a meatball, like, a *perfectly* seasoned, marinara-soaked meatball, directly into the face of the CEO. Across the table. It was like slow motion; the meatball, the CEO's horrified expression, my own mortified face. I wanted to teleport to another dimension. I haven't lived it down, in the slightest. To this day, it's the gift that keeps on giving in the form of endless teasing.
Do you have any pets? And are they as weird as you are?
Yes! I have a cat named Schrödinger. He's a total weirdo, even for a cat. He's convinced he's a dog and tries to play fetch. He also has this habit of staring intensely at walls for hours. Seriously. Hours. I've checked for ghosts. There aren't any. He's just… Schrödinger. Is he as weird as me? Let’s just say we’re a good match. We both enjoy naps, judging other people, and secretly plotting world domination (just kidding… maybe).
What's your biggest fear?
Okay, this is a tough one. I used to be terrified of, like, spiders and public speaking. Standard stuff. But now? The scariest thing is probably… mediocrity. The idea of just coasting through life, never trying anything new, never pushing myself, never making a difference. It’s a slow, creeping horror. Like, watching paint dry. You know? I’m not saying I always succeed at avoiding that. Far from it. But the fear is there, and it keeps me (mostly) motivated. Also, the thought of ending up on a reality TV show. Shudder.
What's your favorite kind of music? (This could be a Pandora's Box, warning!)
Ooh, music! Ah, the soundtrack of existential angst and questionable life choices... I have *so many* phases! One moment, I'm blasting thrash metal and headbanging like a maniac (much to Schrödinger's dismay). The next, I'm weeping to a sappy ballad that probably has no business being so catchy. I love classic rock, which I’m pretty sure I was born listening to. And I adore some indie folk. Oh and I just discovered this amazing artist online, you have to search them out! I'm a complete music chameleon. It depends on my mood, the weather, whether or not I've had enough caffeine. And everything in between.
What's your advice for staying sane in this crazy world?
Oh, sanity? That's a luxury I'm not sure I can afford these days. But if I had to choose one thing... it would be self-compassion. Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend. We're allWhere To Stay Now
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